BO, much like many others has the well-meaning, honest, much required (read: urgent non-negotiable) intention of meaning to “start exercising regularly”. Now, she had mostly been one of those exercisers who could eat a pack of chips “guilt free” but only because they knew they have a HIIT workout coming up the next morning and that justifies stuffing yourself prior and post the demanding workout.
Fast forward to BO being the work-from-home allegedly-active (because you know photographers spend all their time just running around taking photos, isn’t it?) worker bee who had access to home made aloo-stuffed (or pyaaz, or gobi, or mooli, or methi, or whatever you can dream of) butter laden parathas (read: pronthis in Punjabi accent).
Fast forward 5 months of winter (read: legitimate time of the year for demanding and consuming parathas at “snack time” or basically in between meals) and 10 kilos in paratha weight, it has now become imperative for BO to fix the situation and return to a jeans-fitting-size (side note: lets take a moment to appreciate and THANK those lovely designers who’ve made the fat-hiding body-shape-appreciating palazzo trousers come back in fashion and actually made those giant-cotton-pants fashionable and trendy).
Listed here are the most common excuses BO makes to herself every now and then:
1. Oh no, I ate 2 packets of chips, no point in exercising until next week
Its magical how a binge session (usually follows a week of “being good” (read: no carbs EVER and basically eating like a cow, which, on a separate note may have had something to do with said meltdown binge), instead of motivating BO to go burn off those calories, instead motivates her to put off her exercise plan, because well, what’s the point of working out NOW that the system has been defiled with junk food?!?!? For this perfectionist, type-A, huffer-puffer it’s crazy-perfect-diet-exercise-regime or nothing, NOTHING! (side note: you may have realised it’s the latter).
2. Saturday night we are going to meet some friends so lets start on Monday
No point in starting (or even attempting) to exercise before every single social commitment is dealt with. One needs to be a hermit to be fit (or someone who exercises), you know.
3. First fitness wear shopping, then exercise
Duh. The 5 sets of exercises clothes presently lying unused (some with their tags on) have NO PLACE in the NEW and improved (and never-starting) BO Life 2.0 which only has place for absolute perfection (and lots of unnecessary shopping).
4. The Weekend Dine Out
Somehow BO’s mind seems to believe that exercising means being perfect and eating no carbs, and eating only raw leaves like a cow and basically giving up on all things nice and worthy of human consumption. That’s why every weekend, it’s the same conversation with TH:
BO: “Let’s go out for dinner”
TH: “What about starting on our healthy-life regime?”
BO: “Let’s start on Monday na. We’ve had a long week. We deserve to go out and cover our faces with all sorts of “foods” laden with copious amount of animals fats, salt and sugar. Also I’ve been dying to try <insert name of new place which serves 1000 calorie meals>”
TH: “Done! Let’s go! Thanks for being the best wife EVER.”
Because obviously you cannot go to a restaurant and order a non-1000-calorie meal because well, then, what’s the point of going out?!?!
5. Let winter get over
The classic excuse. Who’d change out of sweat pants and 5 layers of sweaters only to exercise? Not BO! Also, how does a couple of kilos matter when you can easily cover it with said 5 layers of sweaters?! (sidenote: In past years, come March and the requirement to wear Jeans sans sweater tops is when the realisation would dawn on BO to buck up and work out, but given the Palazzo-wave that has reportedly not happened in 2016.)
This also works for monsoons (can take it to be July-September) (it was raining so BO couldn’t go out for her walk (**begin scoff** and how many times exactly did she go for her walks in the 23 hours of the day that it was NOT raining? Hmm?! HMM?! **scoff ends**) (side note: BO seems to be the only person afflicted by the “torrential rains” in Delhi), works for May and June when it’s insanely hot and no person in their right mind would go “out” for a walk?!!
That basically leaves 2 months (if you’re doing the math, that would be April and October) which BO may consider “fit weather conditions” for exercise.
Blame global warming and generally strange Delhi weather for her lack of exercise.
6. The Couple Gym Membership
BO and TH were once the wide-eyed, super optimistic couple that had signed up for a “couple membership” program at their gym (which was basically a heavily discounted price targeted at supremely lazy couples whom the smart people at the Snap Fitness knew would NEVER show up at the gym more than twice a month, at their best, and deny they even have gym membership (or forget?!!?) at their worst).
They went for 2 days religiously. They had even proclaimed themselves to be “regular gym goers” to whichever relative and friend they met that one weekend. Come Monday, TH woke up with his alarm, BO said, “it’s cold, I’ll go tomorrow“, to which TH said “meh, I’ll also go back to sleep“. Come Tuesday, BO woke up with the alarm, TH said “I came home at 4 am, NEED SLEEP” to which BO said “meh, I’ll also go back to sleep“. Wednesday, neither woke up. Thursday – lets start PROPERLY next week. [Repeat cycle].
Currently BO is in the gym membership denial mode (clearly, since she seems to think she can’t go for a walk when it’s raining or its too hot (hello, treadmill in gym?!?!)). TH is currently waiting for his current gym membership to expire so that he can go back to his super fancy gym and start PROPERLY, you know.
7. Watch thin/fit sister/friend/annoying person gorge on crazy amounts of food and still stay thin
What is even the point of exercising when metabolism, genes, crappy eating habits, and love of fatty, salty and sugar foods are all against BO? Obviously it does not matter that the said thin/fit sister/friend/annoying person mostly only “gorges” on home cooked nutritious dal chawal ghee aloo mutter chicken curry french fries.
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